Leaving [small update]

Oh goshhh I'm soo excited/nervous now.

Going for a farewell meal tonight with family. Then working my lst ever shift tomorrow. Only 4 and a half hrs this one! But I do really love it there.

Boyf is coming back on fridayy so can see him before I goo. And then sat - new life begins.

Oh and I can't fast during my period. Just won't happen : /

Explanation

 ..as to why I suddenly ballooned. Got my period this morning : /

Kind of happy though, because all this bloating now has a reason. Just need to stick it out and keep on losing!

Am hardly doing any exercise though because I work from around 12-12. Yep, girls you DON'T want my job.

Haha need the money for uni thoughh so am not gonna moan.

Having a soy youghurt and orange juice a day atm ish. I don't even need the motivation anymore it seems. I think it's found me. I'm able to do this.

I'm going out for a few farewell meals next week, and actually am excited to know that when I finally do eat a meal, it'll be proper food! Will hopefully start eating healthy this weekend at uni when I move in.

I just need to see my boy tbh. It's been so long ) :

Hope you are all well <3

As soon as bloating/period stops Il do measurements and weigh ins. I realllyyy want to do this.

For those of you currently lacking in motivation, or who are finding this a little tough, I really reccomend you watch this

http://www.tanyadziahileva.com/clips/tanyad_v.html

a little introduction to my favourite ever model

this one's adorable! I'm going to miss mine ) :

Going Well

Scrambled egg (white) on toast this morning and a piece of cheese.

Should keep me going. I'm feeling better. One thing though, is that I can't sleep. I go to bed around 11 and last night for example, fell asleep at 4.30 ish. That's a looong time to lie in bed. My brain really won't switch off though.

I can't believe how emotionally  unstable my eating is. The moment I get upset, and its usually about my boyf, like I think some awful thought, my appetite goes. It's like hypnosis in a way, because I can't feel hunger even if my stomach's rumbling. My best friend came round today, hence the eating, and I felt like I needed to eat a bit more rather than apples and tea. And it was good. The moment something doesn't go right, I don't touch food.

Hmmmm I feel as if I'm looking a bit better. My face seems to be extremely bloated (as per usual) yet I think I may be losing a few inches here and there. I think I'll do measurements tomorrow and keep track of them.

Thank you all for your comments and suggestions ( :

I really needed that advice and I've took it on board. Have given up the fatty nuts for starters :O

Hope you are aalll well, and are all still staying strong. Fall is a wonderful time to do this dont you think? ( :

yummmm.

Why..

  ..have I gained weight?!

Seriously girls, I haven't eaten. I mean an apple or a handful of nuts here and there. Doing my workout dvd in the morning too, and THIS is what happens?

I'm back at 127 :O that's like the highest everrrr! Oh my god. Water weight or what?

Does this hapen to any of you? I was so so tempted to give up this morning, I was staring at the bread bin for what felt like hours. But I'm not even hungry. Well, Im not tempted by food is what I should say. I still want to keep on going. This just isn't the sign that I wanted..

Any ideas as to why? I feel soo fat and horrible right now. Don't even want to step out of the house..

If only..

I looked this chic in black, not like some depressed goth : /

I still looked good when pretty drunk

I looked this good on a cold winter's day

I looked this good on a sunny summer's day

I looked good in hats

I looked good in pants

I could live off this

and this

My face and hair resembled that of a top model

I had this attitude

I looked this good posing with animals (mine usually scratch me to death before I can take a picture!)

If only I could do what she did

If only I didn't have to hide..

Has Turned into more of a fast..

I couldn't really be bothered to count what is 500 cals or not. Though I could give a pretty good estimation, my short-term memory is SO bad that I thought it'd just be a waste of time.

I have coffee/green tea/bottled mineral water on my table. I eat when I really must. Either scrambled eggs, or tuna or apples etc.

Good job I'm not craving any crap food.

Went to sleep at 0430 am yesterday. Was up most of the night just thinking about him. Gave him a call, he was happy and he said he really misses me.

Yet I feel so terrible, I can't eat. In fact when I started this blog, it was straight after I got dumped by this boy of 1 and a half years. I didn't eat a single thing for a whole week. But then I met my current boyfriend (pretty quick I know.) and completely fell in love. I noticed him around before and was instantly drawn to him!

But now he's gone.. aaahh and it seems as if it's all coming back.

I never understood comfort eating. I only eat normally or even a bit too much when I'm happy. I enjoy food! When I went on my cruise and had 6 course meals every night, I was having SUCH a good time! And when me and my boyf went out for meals, or went ice skating and snacked on all the sweets there, I was so happy.

When I'm not feeling good though, I don't want to have the pleasure that food gives me. It's a strange thing but that's what makes me I suppose.

How about you girls? Do you eat out of depression? Or happiness? How did this all come about?

Something that does bring me happiness though is beauty. I <3 it, wherever it may be.

Got to love these sweetie-pies!^^